I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize