i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
