he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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