Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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