Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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