You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
