I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
