"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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