Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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