he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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