Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
