Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
