its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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