She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
