i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
