I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
there is glitter all over my balls
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
