Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
