I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Oh god it's open bar.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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