Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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