I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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