So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Randomize
