Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
