Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
