It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
