I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
