he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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