I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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