that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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