Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
