so that wasnt chicken after all
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
