..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
