he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
