TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
