Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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