she looked like the before picture.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
