He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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