I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
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i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
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I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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