After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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