found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
My vagina is officially offended.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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