Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
