Even the bartender felt bad for me
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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