I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
