dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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