I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
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