just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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