The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
