That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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