At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
