Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize