So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize