Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize