who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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