I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
