i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
