lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
