and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
