so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
