At least make sure they are 18
Why
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
