whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
