how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
