I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
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I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
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She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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