uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.