happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.