she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....