so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life