Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
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Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
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maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet