There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
