why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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