before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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